WEEK 2

"You come to Saudi Arabia with two suitcases. One for sh*t and the other for money. When one of them fills up its time to go."

-A well-known expat saying

If you can’t stand the heat, get outta the kitchen!

It’s the end of my second week in Riyadh, and I can sense myself getting really protective of Saudi Arabia already. I’ve been a bit defensive with new teachers who’ve arrived this week and instantly started complaining about every aspect of Saudi culture. Yeah, it’s difficult and frustrating, but Riyadh is the most conservative city in Saudi, and no one forced us to be here!

Once you accept Saudis for their completely unique outlook on life, and expect everything to be as opposite to the Western world as possible, you’ll be fine here.

Bearing that in mind, I’m turning into a proper Arabian madam day by day. I’m ashamed (but slightly proud!) of the fact that I now refuse to walk more than 10 feet to my destination whenever a driver drops me somewhere.  If I feel I’m not being served fittingly, my driver will know about it! It’s just to do with the fact that women should really avoid walking anywhere in Riyadh as much as possible, and the only way for us to get around is to be driven, so if my driver doesn’t drop me literally outside the door of my destination, I start getting all Arab on him. You can’t blame me – no self-respecting Saudi woman would accept being dropped off a few feet away from her destination, or carrying her own shopping bags to the car!

Well, this is a bit weird…

There are still a few things that threw me this week, though. For the first time I experienced placing an order from the doorway of a restaurant, as a few really traditional establishments don't allow women over the threshold. Imagine standing at the doorway of Pizza Express and shouting your order for the Dough Balls starter, and you get the picture…

Video conferences were quite commonplace in my job before, but that was only when we needed to talk to theToronto or New York offices . In Saudi, the male and female campuses cannot mix, so when the University supervisors at the male campus wanted to have a staff meeting, rather than just  popping over we used video conferencing technology, which was really surreal, especially as the video wasn’t working so we could only hear them. At least he couldn’t see me yawning in the back.

Is your abaya Prada?

This week I also experienced severe abaya envy, after witnessing the range of subtle styles and fashions women can choose from.

Whereas in London you would be envying the gorgeous top or cute dress on the woman in front of you, here you find yourself eyeing up the woman with the gorgeous and daring turquoise diamante pattern on the sleeves of her abaya, or the flattering cut of the next lady’s garment. I never thought I’d get this excited about going shopping for a something that looks essentially like a bin liner! When the only thing to set you apart in a sea of black is the decorations on your abaya, you want to get a good one. It’s a hilariously competitive arena.

I keep having funny/awkward moments where I’ll be talking to Saudi women, and then they’ll suddenly stop to put on their niqab on our way out of the building, and I’ll turn around a second later and think they’re not there because you practically can’t distinguish  one woman from another. Must remember to keep tabs on the woman you’re talking to at all times!

 

Where Western women would ask ‘does my bum look big in this?’ my Saudi students have told me of a popular book among Arab teens at the moment, Does my head look big in this? Making your head and face look attractive in a hijab is the order of the day, rather than flattering your booty!

Miss Mimi

Speaking of students, I really really do enjoy the 2 classes of girls I teach. My class initially jumped from 4 students to 19 overnight, and now I have 2 classes of about 18 girls each. As it’s an Intensive English Program, I teach the same 2 classes for 2 hours every day, and I was soon warned that Saudi students have almost complete control over their teachers, especially the Western ones. Because of the super-conservative Islamic state, there’s an entire list of things that are banned from discussion in Saudi classrooms – including religion, politics, women’s issues, birthdays, sexual or gender related issues, controversial cultural issues, Christmas or New Year,  pop culture, music and film – and I know I’ve left some things out!

So whereas teaching in London, I could just slip in some reference to the latest blockbuster in one of my lessons, I have to bite my tongue in case I insult the sensitivities of some Saudi Princess who could feign offence and report me to the authorities. I’ve been dying to tell one of girls she really looks like Nelly Furtado, but I daren’t…    The thing is, most of the girls would be fine talking about these things, but you never know which ones could cause trouble for you. (I have been warned that I’ll get some real life Saudi Princesses in my class later!)

Any extra material, text, pictures or videos I want to include in my lesson that isn’t from the textbook also has to be approved by the course supervisors, to ensure it doesn’t break these rules.

I thought the release of the Chilean miners would be a safe topic to discuss with my girls, but these comfortably sheltered Saudi teens were happily oblivious to one of the biggest global stories of the year. So as you can imagine, it’s kinda hard to plan lessons around restricted topics, and news stories the girls just aren’t exposed to.

Saudi students also have the very bad Arab habit of taking a-g-e-s to complete any activity. Whether I give them 5 minutes or half an hour, they’ll still bargain for more time. I think I’ll have to give up on all the teacher training that was hammered in to me on CELTA.

Weekend surprises

On Thursday we just visited another of the countless malls in Riyadh, where I experienced the odd moment of having an indoor rollercoaster  whizz past my head while drinking coffee in the food court – like I said, Saudi malls are something else!

Indoor mini-fairground at Hayat Mall

 

As women can’t be employed as sales assistants in public shops I also endured the slightly awkward sensation of being served by all-male lingerie staff in Victoria’s Secret, and wondering how on earth the heterosexual Arab guy in M.A.C. would empathise – or even care – about my need for a foundation in powder format that provides a matte finish while complimenting my skin with a dewy daytime shimmer. And can he really tell me what the best clump-free mascara is? Surely that means nothing to most guys…

Friday, my employer found an amazing traditional Saudi restaurant where he could take a couple of us female teachers out for a meal, without anyone openly complaining about the social rules of mixing with the opposite sex being broken. It was huge, aptly named the Nadj Village, and stunningly decorated, with authentic Arabian enclosed rooms where you could go and try loads of Saudi dishes, reclining on cushions and carpets. Wasn’t brave enough to try the camel steak this time round…

Outside Nadj Village restaurant

Traditional Arab steaming machine in the court

The men's section of the restaurant - I'm always sneaking into places I shouldn't be...

Having tea while waiting for a private room

Outside one of the private rooms



Vintage cars decorated the restaurant - think there was some connection with the old-fashioned steam machine



Noticeable moments of the week:

-In England, you can’t even get a job on a building site without a hardhat and boots. In Saudi, as far as I can see, the workmen hammer away with nothing other than a gutra (traditional red-checked headscarf) and a pair of sandals. 

-I experienced a moment of terror when my girls asked me if they could play charades for the last ten minutes of the class before the weekend, and realized they were looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to mime an appropriate noun– books, TV, movies, Songs – they’re all pretty much banned from discussion!!! Luckily, one of the girls played it safe and mimed Oliver Twist…Phew.

-Noticed that I am yet to get in a taxi with a Saudi driver – they wouldn’t be caught dead in a job like that. I’ve been told the few Saudis who are taxi drivers lie about their nationalities, because everyone knows there’s just something seriously odd about a Saudi in a public service job…

-Arabs are fully aware that their habit of talking forever to get anything done is completely baffling and infuriating to Westerners. When requesting a refund in a store this week, the assistant informed me it would take about 10 minutes. When I raised my eyebrow in mock disbelief, he laughed and said, ‘Ok ok, I take 2 minutes’. They just do it to annoy us…

Have a great week all – and please feel free to leave comments/feedback!